A pinch of kanzaali

I have no time. So Shoot.

kanzaali — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 18:22:27 +0000

5 mins of Internet Cafe airtime?

OK. ummm… No more excuses. I need to start drawing my hopes, visions and dreams on paper. Pin them up in my locker, remind myself everyday what I want, who I want and when I want. It makes sense. Habakukk 1. or 3 I forget, says something about writing down the revelation.

No fake resolutions. Just look inside myself and recognise what my treasures are; cause where my heart is, there my treasure will be too.

One painful thing I should try to do more this time is PLAN. Plan and pore over dem plans until my water levels are in the red – due diligence. Annoying but important. Time up. Thank you JC. You Rock!

Sorry. I am going to hurt you again and again.

kanzaali — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 11:53:09 +0000

How many times have I said “sorry” then four weeks later I hastened to do the same thing I had repented for. I said sorry because I had hurt you. I said sorry because I knew the consequences of hurting you. I said sorry to avoid your wrath. Then as soon as I felt we were in a safe zone, friends again, I thought, “Ah! he is cool now.” Then I took you for granted. and four weeks , four hours, three months later, I fell again. Then I woke up and knelt before you to say sorry.

I realised I had never repented before. maybe that is why they call us “dilute christians.” I think that just because I go to church, sing all the songs with my eyes closed, put money in the tithe and church fund, that I am right in relation to you. Then I go out recieve a bribe on Monday, insult my colleague on Tuesday, Lust after the neighbour’s sister on Wednesday, Cheat the conductor on Thursday, Backbite on Friday and get drunk and lecherous on Saturday. Sunday it’s hard to sin outright, with all dem preachers and worship leaders and intercessors. Yet Sunday 6PM, anything can happen 5 hours after the service.

No wonder I was so lost.

But thank you Abba Father for your grace. I know what it means to repent. It is to have a total complete mind change. and a change in the heart which only your spirit can bring.

Romans 8.1 -11.Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ…

Thank you for another chance. And this time I will not set out to hurt you again.

A Deeper Level

kanzaali — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 11:46:56 +0000

After he was done rubbing the last traces of cobweb from his eyes, he squinted at the mirror.

“On the wall, you say I am not the smartest of dem blokes. What happened if you were in my hands? Wouldn’t your judgement change?”

“No.”
“Are you familiar with the hand that feeds?”
“Yes.”
“Well? Duh’er. Can’t you read the significance,” he asked, sacarsm making a stench in the bathroom.
“First of, you don’t feed me. Am a mirror for pete’s sake. Secondly, I feed you. Everytime the missus trashes you in the evening, you come to me for reaffirmation in the morning – call me Red Bull if you like. Now you know why you aren’t the smartest of them all. A fact which won’t change with my relocation to your hands, feet or wherever.”

He was shocked and spun around to see if there were witnesses, eaves droppers.
The Mirror wasn’t finished, “And you are insecure too. Hmmm. Kanz’Ali, if I were you I wouldn’t listen to the mirror on the wall. I would listen to that ice box in your chest.”

Slowly, Kanz returned to his room, sat at the foot of the bed and swore,
“I won’t play Omarion again. Ever.”

Colour Twenty Nine (29)

kanzaali — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 20:04:45 +0000

I thought I would never make it. Become 29?

20 years ago I was a pessimist. Senior three seemed like heaven to achieve. I was obsessed with life and death. Every new year was a death knell with me creeping through crack in the door from under the covers. That my birthday was on the 2nd meant a reverberation of the previous woes.

Today life is all for living. DJ, Journalist, librarian, fine artist, Music producer, photographer, video editor, production assistant, teacher, choir master, artiste, news vendor, taxi conductor, and presently a casting agent – all within nine years. I have been there-

Live.

Because you are longer dead than alive.